I'd like to Supersize that Humble Pie, Please

I've spoken about this frequently on my blog, but it just continues to come up in my life and be a pet peeve of mine. There is a fine line between confidence and conceit, and if you're not sure which side you're on, chances are you've crossed it. Nothing says 'newbie to New York" quite like a cocky attitude. It's really interesting to see people when they first move here - and I even think it takes a couple of years to be humbled by this city, but it's so obvious when someone hasn't been. Fresh of the Jet Blue flight to LaGuardia, still on a high from playing the lead in their last college production, or being named best actress by there pees, it's like they're carrying a contagious disease. Conceit. So annoying. Just go sit at any non-equity audition with all the kiddies fresh out of school...they definitely on the quick path to Broadway. Here's the thing, EVERY performer here was the star of their hometown - played leads in college, etc, etc... Why do people think that makes them special. We've all done that, and before you. Humility keeps you learning, working and fine tuning your craft... which the newbies will soon discover they aren't done with their craft. Cocky fades fast in this city... but a shitty personality is forever.

In My Mind I'm (Already) Gone to Carolina

So audition season is officially wrapping up and slowing down and it's very bitter sweet. Bitter in the sense that I haven't booked anything, but sweet in that I will be spending my summer in New York and that I might actually have some time to relax and sleep in.

I am in DESPERATE need of a vacation. I was just home over the holidays, but it feels like I need to get out of this town and on a beach stat! Thank God, my BFF from college is getting married and I'm going to North Carolina for an entire week!! I will be hitting up two different beaches and visiting my family in one swoop!

Did I mention that I have a dress that I've been DYING to wear and this wedding seems like the perfect occasion. I won't spoil it completely, but this is the bodice.

Please notice the bright orange sale tag on the side... Let's just say I practically STOLE this $500 dress off the rack!!

Of course, it wouldn't be a trip home if I didn't try to fit in as much as I could while I'm there!!

We fly in and drive home to my parents' house and will be there in time to have drinks with my former professor and see my cousin make her mainstage debut at my aluma mater!! It's a very happy accident that we can make it! Hellllo universe?!?!

Then it's off to Bald Head Island (as in you can't even drive cars on this beautiful deserted beach) for the lingerie party and wedding the next day. I am packing my kleenex for this one! My dad refers to my college BFF as "the good daughter".

After the wedding, it's time to relax with no obligations at beach #2, courtesey of my wonderful aunt and uncle! After a couple of days of having no where to be, looking at the water, and soaking in the sun at their beautiful beach house, we will head back to my home town and spend some QT with my family cooking steaks on the grill!

So I have lots of relaxing in my near future and I think it's well deserved. I'm truly going to embrace the moment, take some long walks on the beach and spend at least one morning sipping coffee on the wrap around poarch of my aunt's plantation style beach house and just reflect. Journal. Listen to the silence. Enjoy the salty air on my skin. And maybe even get some color on this pale skin!

Sometimes you just gotta go home! I dare say, North Carolina may be the greatest place on earth. I know the North Carolina beaches DEFINITELY rank among the most beautiful places in America, but one this is for sure - THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!

This season has been truly exhausting. I think the universe is desparately trying to teach me patience... I haven't quite gotten there yet, but for now - VACATION!!!!

EPIC. FAIL.

Today has definitely been one of the worst days of my life. Please take a walk with me through a miserable day in NYC.

Let's begin with the weather. Three days ago was "the first day of Spring"... clearly a fail considering that today was 30 degrees and a snowy/rainy/slushy miserable day. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn, exhausted.

I plan to attend my doctor's appointment with my fabulous ENT with enough time to make it to my first audition of the day. I HAVE to be at the audition by 10:00, ideally 9:30. After having to receive three PAINFUL injections in my nose due to swelling, I leave the doctor around 10:06. After paying $15 in cab fare to get there quickly, I arrive to find out that the call is closed and I cannot be seen. Fail.

Then I decide to eat breakfast (by myself) which is just depressing and then I head to my next audition in the crappy weather.

I spend ALL afternoon waiting at my second audition and realize that I am going to be late for work because they are asking some people a second song. Fail.

I call work to tell them I will be late - then my phone dies. Fail.

Insert annoying girls with Broadway credits (who want everyone to know they have them) who are talking so loudly that I can't even read my book about how the only thing auditions should require is either a kick from dancers or a high c from singers. (Idiots... clearly acting wasn't in the equation).

I FINALLY get into the room and explain my piece exactly how my coach has told me, and I know that it is PERFECT for this season. I say my bit to the accompanist, but what I SHOULD have said was, "Hello, accompanist's name, this is what they call a piano." After the accompanist plays something that in no way even sounds like my song, I look like a complete idiot and I'm given a very abrasive, short and patronizing, "Thank you, Kristin". Now I SHOULD have asked to start over and said, "May I start over, I must have not explained my song correctly." or "May I do a different selection for you, clearly we weren't jiving with each other"... or maybe I SHOULDN'T have gotten out of bed this morning. FAIL.

Then comes the delightful trip work (45 minutes late with a dead cell phone) where I am once again thrilled by the efficient service of the MTA. My train stops three times under ground and in the mean time, a lady comes up to me and says, "You bumped me with your bag", which I don't doubt that I could have at all, because I carry my life on my shoulders on a daily basis and my bag barely passes carry-on standards. I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it." She continues to stand over me and finally my bad day (and New York attitude) came to full talent and I said, "What do you want me to say? I said I'm sorry." Now what I SHOULD have said was, "What do you want a dollar?", "Would you like for me to give you my bag so you can hit ME with it?", or "Freakin' welcome to New York lady!"... but at this point all I'm thinking is WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MARCH 23RD?!?!?

I finally make it to work, with tears in my eyes and there are peanut butter cookies waiting for me on my desk. I ate three. SUCCESS.

Everyone knows that calories don't count when you're having an epic fail day.

Nobody Likes a Quitter

It's been a bad couple of years for performers. Not gonna lie, this economy sucks and it's forced many performers who normally are working on Broadway to work for less and take regional work that in the past has gone to us ahem, less credited performers.

That being said, I spent the last few weeks contemplating what I really wanted out of my life. I've invested a huge amount of energy (and money and time and heart...etc.) into this deam of mine and I was seriously wondering if all the sacrafice would ever pay off. I mean if you're an architect and no one asks you to design a building for two years, are you still an architect?

Well, the answer is yes, (and thanks to Clay for that answer) because you are educated and capable of designing a building. And though it's been a hard couple of years for me and I'm not working like I want to - that still makes me an actress.

So here's the light bulb that went off for me yesterday...

What am I afraid of? Of failing? Of never working again?

Well if someone quits the business then they are INSURING that they will never work again.... and therefore, that makes them someone who fulfilled their own fears... Masochistic? Maybe.

There is not room for fear in this lifetime. You live ONCE and life is very short. You can't just quit when you're afraid. Don't quit anything you love.

k-dub

5 Years and Counting...

This year will be my five year anniversary as a starving actor/waitress/administrative assistant in New York. The biggest lesson I've learned is that I know nothing, but seeing as how this blog was originally supposed to be "thoughts from a southern girl in New York"... I feel that I should share some things that I (am still learning) have been forced to learn.

Humility- It seems that some people never have to learn this. I guess they are the lucky few who are handed their dreams (or highly successful jobs) and never have to be at the bottom of the totem pole (or the service industry)...

It seems every aspect of my life at some point or another has been a giant lesson in humility. (Was I born cocky?) From working for an attorney that is only a year older than me and is highly intelligent and successful (nothing says 'ouch' like realizing the rest of the world is "at your age"), or the audition that makes you feel like cattle - New York SHOULD be a very humbling place. You haven't been humbled yet? Go wait tables. That should do the trick.

Brother Jimmy's - If you are a Southerner, then there are two places you have to know about in New York. Number 1 - Brother Jimmy's and Number 2 - Hill Country (Texas BBQ). Now being a North Carolinian, I prefer Brother Jimmy's (BEST collards EVER!!), but I won't knock Hill Country's banana puddin'. Sometimes you just need a taste of home and that's a good place to start. Half off with a southern ID on Wednesdays at Brother Jimmy's - and chances are, if you're a southern alum, you will run into some familiar faces.

Laundry - If you have the $20 to spare, it is BY far better to just drop off your laundry. Don't punish yourself and sit there all day. Think about it this way, that's 3 hours that you could have been at work and will never get back from your life. What is more valuable to you?

Alcohol - Nothing will swallow your paycheck more than trying to go out drinking in New York. Do yourself a favor, make the trip to a friend's bar where you may get some drinks on the house, or drink at home (unless it's a special occasion) and if you don't have the money to tip, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stay home!! (Side note - it requires just as much effort for your bartender to make you a glass of water as it does to pour a beer. You want to get fast service? Be the guy who tips on water.)

k-dub

And there is a flag on the play!

In the spirit of all things football as of late, I began to fantasize about how wonderful life would be if we could all just have "challenge" and "penalty" flags available to us at a moments notice... sort of Referee's at life.

For Example:
A "discussion" between Dan and I COULD go like this:

I walk into my apartment with my shoes on to set my heavy bag in the bedroom...

Dan: (flag on the play) - "Don't walk across the apartment in your dirty shoes that have been all over New York."

Me: (CHALLENGE) - "Who cleans the floor you are complaining about?" Penalty denied and I have now gain possession of the conversation.

Just THINK how amazing would it be?

You see that gross guy on the subway clipping his fingernails, (what is that about?!?!) and you could throw a giant yellow flag in his face and demand he be penalized back to the platform.

OR that asshole in the bar who is running you back and forth, not tipping, AND trying to flirt with you - (or my personal favorite, "Why don't you march your little ass up to the bar and get me another beer?" - yes, that really did happen).

How convenient and amazing would it be to alarm every girl in the bar that THAT guy is a giant douche bag and does not deserve any one's phone number?

Just saying... Food for Thought....

For The First Time... I Feel Wicked ;) - Week 2

Okay, I know you will all judge me and now I am officially a Musical Theatre dork - but this week I have decided to acknowledge Elphaba Thropp. I don't care if she is a fictional character. She has greatly affected my life. Elphie has restored many of my dreams in musical theatre (and it doesn't hurt that I can't wait to play her). I STILL get teary eyed when I hear that score (shout out to Stephen Schwartz) and I let my own demons get in the way of my dreams of playing her for a long time. But NOW things are different. When I work on the material for this role, I feel renewed, almost like a little hope light shines inside me.

We're talking about one of the hardest roles ever created... which is another reason why she has changed my life. I'm having to learn a GREAT deal about patience with myself while approaching this material. Of course, many "vampires" (see previous entry if you don't know what I'm talking about) come to visit when you decide that you are going to sing "Defying Gravity".

"Oh WHO is she?!?"

"AM I strong enough to really play this role?"

"This girl better belt her face if she thinks she is going to sing THIS in class!"

I'm sure you can imagine more.

But the truth is, every girl that has ever played (or will play) Elphaba has had to spend countless hours (months) preparing. It's not just about belting face or "vocal fireworks", (yes, that is the term Telsey uses) it's also about heart and I know that I have a huge one. I know that one day I will play the lady in green and I'll melt your face off when I give you a fierce "Defying Gravity" but I'll melt your heart in "I'm Not That Girl". But for now, I'm grateful to Elphie for all the challenges she has already made me face. Nailing every pitch perfect is part of it of course, but mostly having patience with myself and knowing that Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are Tony award winning leading ladies.

At least I know I look good in green ;)