Climbing Uphill (The truth)

When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for a while, you'll
Okay, thank you
Thank you so much
(Thank you for allowing me to sing my 16 bars after I've been waiting in the cold... warm up? What's that?)

I'm climbing uphill, Daddy
Climbing uphill

I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line
With two hundred girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
(Eat a sandwich)
Who have already been to the gym
(Because they don't work survival jobs aka "Trust fund actors")

I'm waiting five hours in line
(Even though I'm Equity)
And watching the girls
Just coming and going
In dresses that look just like this
Till my number is finally called
(Around an hour before I have to be at work at my survival job)

When I walk in the room
There's a table of men
Always men - usually gay
Who've been sitting like I have
And listening all day
To two hundred girls
Belting as high as they can!
(Look at me!! I can do that too!!)

I am a good person
(Who just needs you to take a chance on me!)
I'm an attractive person
(Who consumes solid food)
I am a talented person
(At least my parents think so)
Grant me Grace!
(DEAR GOD PLEASE!!)

When you come home...
I should have told the I was sick last week
(...from standing outside to get audition appointments when it's freezing in New York)
They're gonna think this is the way I sing
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?
I'll sing louder
(Frank Loesser said louder is better, right?)
Maybe I should stop and start over
I'm gonna stop over
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
(Or why is the 22 year old assistant casting director (who is the only person in the room) playing with a candy wrapper and texting?)
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume
I made up half of my resume
(Too bad it doesn't matter what is on your resume because the other women in your group have a Broadway credit and have worked with the director)
Look at me
Stop looking at that, look at me
No, not at my shoes
Don't look at my shoes
I hate these fucking shoes
Why did I pick these shoes?
(Because they were cheap and I'm broke)
Why did I pick this song?
(It's the most appropriate selection from my "well-rounded" rep book)
Why did I pick this career?
(WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!?!)
Why does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a callback
I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom and buy a couch
(If I don't get a callback, I can do back home because I forgot my lunch. (no actor has enough money to shop at CRATE AND BARREL!!!))
Not that I was to spend a day with mom
But Jamie needs his space to write
(More like I haven't seen Dan in days because I work all the time)
Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to him
What's he gonna be like when we have kids?
(I just got insurance!!)
And once again...
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical
(Because people know who she is)
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck
(Because I didn't get a callback and NOW I have to go to work)
When fin'lly you come home to...
Okay, thank you
Thank you so much
(And another swing and a miss)

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs
(These are bad things?)
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues
(That's my second job in New York)
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along at the genius's heels
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by...
And I....

When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile...
(Can I just go back to North Carolina, please?)