EPIC. FAIL.

Today has definitely been one of the worst days of my life. Please take a walk with me through a miserable day in NYC.

Let's begin with the weather. Three days ago was "the first day of Spring"... clearly a fail considering that today was 30 degrees and a snowy/rainy/slushy miserable day. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn, exhausted.

I plan to attend my doctor's appointment with my fabulous ENT with enough time to make it to my first audition of the day. I HAVE to be at the audition by 10:00, ideally 9:30. After having to receive three PAINFUL injections in my nose due to swelling, I leave the doctor around 10:06. After paying $15 in cab fare to get there quickly, I arrive to find out that the call is closed and I cannot be seen. Fail.

Then I decide to eat breakfast (by myself) which is just depressing and then I head to my next audition in the crappy weather.

I spend ALL afternoon waiting at my second audition and realize that I am going to be late for work because they are asking some people a second song. Fail.

I call work to tell them I will be late - then my phone dies. Fail.

Insert annoying girls with Broadway credits (who want everyone to know they have them) who are talking so loudly that I can't even read my book about how the only thing auditions should require is either a kick from dancers or a high c from singers. (Idiots... clearly acting wasn't in the equation).

I FINALLY get into the room and explain my piece exactly how my coach has told me, and I know that it is PERFECT for this season. I say my bit to the accompanist, but what I SHOULD have said was, "Hello, accompanist's name, this is what they call a piano." After the accompanist plays something that in no way even sounds like my song, I look like a complete idiot and I'm given a very abrasive, short and patronizing, "Thank you, Kristin". Now I SHOULD have asked to start over and said, "May I start over, I must have not explained my song correctly." or "May I do a different selection for you, clearly we weren't jiving with each other"... or maybe I SHOULDN'T have gotten out of bed this morning. FAIL.

Then comes the delightful trip work (45 minutes late with a dead cell phone) where I am once again thrilled by the efficient service of the MTA. My train stops three times under ground and in the mean time, a lady comes up to me and says, "You bumped me with your bag", which I don't doubt that I could have at all, because I carry my life on my shoulders on a daily basis and my bag barely passes carry-on standards. I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it." She continues to stand over me and finally my bad day (and New York attitude) came to full talent and I said, "What do you want me to say? I said I'm sorry." Now what I SHOULD have said was, "What do you want a dollar?", "Would you like for me to give you my bag so you can hit ME with it?", or "Freakin' welcome to New York lady!"... but at this point all I'm thinking is WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME MARCH 23RD?!?!?

I finally make it to work, with tears in my eyes and there are peanut butter cookies waiting for me on my desk. I ate three. SUCCESS.

Everyone knows that calories don't count when you're having an epic fail day.

Nobody Likes a Quitter

It's been a bad couple of years for performers. Not gonna lie, this economy sucks and it's forced many performers who normally are working on Broadway to work for less and take regional work that in the past has gone to us ahem, less credited performers.

That being said, I spent the last few weeks contemplating what I really wanted out of my life. I've invested a huge amount of energy (and money and time and heart...etc.) into this deam of mine and I was seriously wondering if all the sacrafice would ever pay off. I mean if you're an architect and no one asks you to design a building for two years, are you still an architect?

Well, the answer is yes, (and thanks to Clay for that answer) because you are educated and capable of designing a building. And though it's been a hard couple of years for me and I'm not working like I want to - that still makes me an actress.

So here's the light bulb that went off for me yesterday...

What am I afraid of? Of failing? Of never working again?

Well if someone quits the business then they are INSURING that they will never work again.... and therefore, that makes them someone who fulfilled their own fears... Masochistic? Maybe.

There is not room for fear in this lifetime. You live ONCE and life is very short. You can't just quit when you're afraid. Don't quit anything you love.

k-dub

5 Years and Counting...

This year will be my five year anniversary as a starving actor/waitress/administrative assistant in New York. The biggest lesson I've learned is that I know nothing, but seeing as how this blog was originally supposed to be "thoughts from a southern girl in New York"... I feel that I should share some things that I (am still learning) have been forced to learn.

Humility- It seems that some people never have to learn this. I guess they are the lucky few who are handed their dreams (or highly successful jobs) and never have to be at the bottom of the totem pole (or the service industry)...

It seems every aspect of my life at some point or another has been a giant lesson in humility. (Was I born cocky?) From working for an attorney that is only a year older than me and is highly intelligent and successful (nothing says 'ouch' like realizing the rest of the world is "at your age"), or the audition that makes you feel like cattle - New York SHOULD be a very humbling place. You haven't been humbled yet? Go wait tables. That should do the trick.

Brother Jimmy's - If you are a Southerner, then there are two places you have to know about in New York. Number 1 - Brother Jimmy's and Number 2 - Hill Country (Texas BBQ). Now being a North Carolinian, I prefer Brother Jimmy's (BEST collards EVER!!), but I won't knock Hill Country's banana puddin'. Sometimes you just need a taste of home and that's a good place to start. Half off with a southern ID on Wednesdays at Brother Jimmy's - and chances are, if you're a southern alum, you will run into some familiar faces.

Laundry - If you have the $20 to spare, it is BY far better to just drop off your laundry. Don't punish yourself and sit there all day. Think about it this way, that's 3 hours that you could have been at work and will never get back from your life. What is more valuable to you?

Alcohol - Nothing will swallow your paycheck more than trying to go out drinking in New York. Do yourself a favor, make the trip to a friend's bar where you may get some drinks on the house, or drink at home (unless it's a special occasion) and if you don't have the money to tip, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stay home!! (Side note - it requires just as much effort for your bartender to make you a glass of water as it does to pour a beer. You want to get fast service? Be the guy who tips on water.)

k-dub

And there is a flag on the play!

In the spirit of all things football as of late, I began to fantasize about how wonderful life would be if we could all just have "challenge" and "penalty" flags available to us at a moments notice... sort of Referee's at life.

For Example:
A "discussion" between Dan and I COULD go like this:

I walk into my apartment with my shoes on to set my heavy bag in the bedroom...

Dan: (flag on the play) - "Don't walk across the apartment in your dirty shoes that have been all over New York."

Me: (CHALLENGE) - "Who cleans the floor you are complaining about?" Penalty denied and I have now gain possession of the conversation.

Just THINK how amazing would it be?

You see that gross guy on the subway clipping his fingernails, (what is that about?!?!) and you could throw a giant yellow flag in his face and demand he be penalized back to the platform.

OR that asshole in the bar who is running you back and forth, not tipping, AND trying to flirt with you - (or my personal favorite, "Why don't you march your little ass up to the bar and get me another beer?" - yes, that really did happen).

How convenient and amazing would it be to alarm every girl in the bar that THAT guy is a giant douche bag and does not deserve any one's phone number?

Just saying... Food for Thought....

For The First Time... I Feel Wicked ;) - Week 2

Okay, I know you will all judge me and now I am officially a Musical Theatre dork - but this week I have decided to acknowledge Elphaba Thropp. I don't care if she is a fictional character. She has greatly affected my life. Elphie has restored many of my dreams in musical theatre (and it doesn't hurt that I can't wait to play her). I STILL get teary eyed when I hear that score (shout out to Stephen Schwartz) and I let my own demons get in the way of my dreams of playing her for a long time. But NOW things are different. When I work on the material for this role, I feel renewed, almost like a little hope light shines inside me.

We're talking about one of the hardest roles ever created... which is another reason why she has changed my life. I'm having to learn a GREAT deal about patience with myself while approaching this material. Of course, many "vampires" (see previous entry if you don't know what I'm talking about) come to visit when you decide that you are going to sing "Defying Gravity".

"Oh WHO is she?!?"

"AM I strong enough to really play this role?"

"This girl better belt her face if she thinks she is going to sing THIS in class!"

I'm sure you can imagine more.

But the truth is, every girl that has ever played (or will play) Elphaba has had to spend countless hours (months) preparing. It's not just about belting face or "vocal fireworks", (yes, that is the term Telsey uses) it's also about heart and I know that I have a huge one. I know that one day I will play the lady in green and I'll melt your face off when I give you a fierce "Defying Gravity" but I'll melt your heart in "I'm Not That Girl". But for now, I'm grateful to Elphie for all the challenges she has already made me face. Nailing every pitch perfect is part of it of course, but mostly having patience with myself and knowing that Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are Tony award winning leading ladies.

At least I know I look good in green ;)

And the Award Goes To... Week 1

January 6, 2011

In an effort to honor the good in my life, I've decided that with my blog in 2011, I am going to give a weekly salute to someone special in my life who has been an influence, or simply made it better. And I don't even want anything in return.

And since it's only the first week in January, this gives all of you wonderful friends of mine 52 opportunities to be honored in my blog!...Er, 51 if your name isn't Dan Bass (Sasha Sondheim).

My relationship with Dan begain while I was playing Gwendolen in The Importance of Being Earnest and Dan was Lady Bracknell's (the ah-mazing Charles Nye's) dresser. We hit it off swimmingly and following that fall, we became particularly close while he resided at "The Ice Box", affectionately termed so because it was the coolest (literally and figuratively) place to hang out in the Summer of 2006. He remained my friend that summer even though I stole his role in Footloose which he clearly deserved. That summer we originated the OOC and don't get it twisted - that is when Out of Control BEGAN.

I don't get to talk to Dan as much as I want (because he is busy being adored and cast in shows) but whenever I see him, we can always pick up like no time has past and I trust him with anything. He knows exactly how I like my rides to the airport - WITH BOJANGLE'S - and he always seems to make sure that I catch my flight back to NYC, despite much effort on my part to not be completely packed or sober.

Dan is someone that I can always count on for a great time because he is caring, generous, loving and compassionate. I love going out with him while I'm back home visiting my family... which I cherish, but I can't wait until he is in New York for good!!! Get here!!

For reals - this is 2008

-k

Don't Excuse Your Future

So I'm taking another auditioning class and my teacher drops the most amazing statement on me:

"As artists we focus on what went wrong because it gives an excuse for future failures."

This was in reference to someone saying that their audition was bad. And I thought about it, it is SO true. If you focus on what you don't do well or what went wrong, it's a lot easier to say, "I don't need to go to that audition" or "I'm not going to book that job"... Just excusing future failures.

Interesting...