Climbing Uphill (The truth)

When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for a while, you'll
Okay, thank you
Thank you so much
(Thank you for allowing me to sing my 16 bars after I've been waiting in the cold... warm up? What's that?)

I'm climbing uphill, Daddy
Climbing uphill

I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line
With two hundred girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
(Eat a sandwich)
Who have already been to the gym
(Because they don't work survival jobs aka "Trust fund actors")

I'm waiting five hours in line
(Even though I'm Equity)
And watching the girls
Just coming and going
In dresses that look just like this
Till my number is finally called
(Around an hour before I have to be at work at my survival job)

When I walk in the room
There's a table of men
Always men - usually gay
Who've been sitting like I have
And listening all day
To two hundred girls
Belting as high as they can!
(Look at me!! I can do that too!!)

I am a good person
(Who just needs you to take a chance on me!)
I'm an attractive person
(Who consumes solid food)
I am a talented person
(At least my parents think so)
Grant me Grace!
(DEAR GOD PLEASE!!)

When you come home...
I should have told the I was sick last week
(...from standing outside to get audition appointments when it's freezing in New York)
They're gonna think this is the way I sing
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?
I'll sing louder
(Frank Loesser said louder is better, right?)
Maybe I should stop and start over
I'm gonna stop over
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
(Or why is the 22 year old assistant casting director (who is the only person in the room) playing with a candy wrapper and texting?)
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume
I made up half of my resume
(Too bad it doesn't matter what is on your resume because the other women in your group have a Broadway credit and have worked with the director)
Look at me
Stop looking at that, look at me
No, not at my shoes
Don't look at my shoes
I hate these fucking shoes
Why did I pick these shoes?
(Because they were cheap and I'm broke)
Why did I pick this song?
(It's the most appropriate selection from my "well-rounded" rep book)
Why did I pick this career?
(WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!?!)
Why does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a callback
I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom and buy a couch
(If I don't get a callback, I can do back home because I forgot my lunch. (no actor has enough money to shop at CRATE AND BARREL!!!))
Not that I was to spend a day with mom
But Jamie needs his space to write
(More like I haven't seen Dan in days because I work all the time)
Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to him
What's he gonna be like when we have kids?
(I just got insurance!!)
And once again...
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical
(Because people know who she is)
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck
(Because I didn't get a callback and NOW I have to go to work)
When fin'lly you come home to...
Okay, thank you
Thank you so much
(And another swing and a miss)

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs
(These are bad things?)
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues
(That's my second job in New York)
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along at the genius's heels
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by...
And I....

When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile...
(Can I just go back to North Carolina, please?)

Alphabet Soup

ABC Tag

A- Addiction – Coffee. It just starts my day off right.

B- Breakfast (what you eat) – An omelet with Cheese and some kind of veggie and turkey bacon.

C- Chocolate or Chips – Depends on my mood… but why choose… they compliment each other so nicely.

D- Dessert or Appetizers – Appetizers. Unless we’re talking Becca’s Strawberry Crème Pie.

E- Essential Items – Iphone, Ipod, Planner.

F- Favorite Color - Purple

G- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms – Bears- red :)

H- Hometown – Greevnille, North Carolina! GO PIRATES!!

I- Indulgence – Getting my nails done, voice lessons.

J- January or July – JULY! This winter weather in NYC is already about to KILL me. We just had 10 inches of snow… Oh, I don’t know if I can make it through this winter!

K- Kids – Yours? Sure. LOVE to babysit.

L- Life isn’t complete without – My family, my faith.

M- Most exciting memory – Zip-lining down the Great Wall of China… I still don’t know how I did that!

N- Number of brothers & sisters – 1 younger brother.

O- Oranges or Apples – Orange Juice/ Apple’s as a snack.

P- Phobias or Fears – I’m always scared that something random and awful is going to happen to someone I love. I really shouldn’t be watching the news in NYC, where someone almost always is shown being shot by accident or hit by a bus. Okay, now that I admitted that fear… let’s erase it from the universe!

Q- Quote - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

R- Reading currently – I am TRYING to finish Breaking Dawn. I’m so over Bella I just don’t even think I can finish the books!

S- Summer or Spring - Summer!! Spring means lots of sneezing for me! I looooove the summer! Nothing beats flip flops and sun dresses!!

T- Tag 6 People – Becca… and Bucky I guess. They’re my only blogging friends.

U- Unknown fact about me – I always have to push the paper towel handle down three times… I don’t know why. I have tried to use less, because it’s wasteful… but it’s just the way life is gonna be. Push. Push. Push.

V- Vacation I want to go on – I really want to go somewhere warm and tropical! But for right now, I am stoked to see my folks in North Carolina for the Holidays!!

W- Walking or Running – I like to run on the elliptical (everything else hurts my knees) to Lady GaGa. On a nice warm day, I will walk anywhere in Manhattan!

X- XRay or Ultrasound – Xray. I want to see those pearly whites and healthy bones!! Lol.

Y- Your favorite Food – Mexican. I could eat Mexican (or anything spicy) every day.

Z- Zoo or Bowling – Bowling. But be careful! Dan is HIGHLY competitive!!

Let the Sunshine In!

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth,
'You owe me.'
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights the whole sky."

--Hafiz in "The Gift"

Dear Santa 2009

December 15, 2009

Mr. Santa Claus

North Polar

P.O. Box 56099

North Pole, Alaska 99705-1099

Dear Mr. Claus:

You certainly out did yourself in 2009! What a great year! I (sort of) got everything on my list from last year… and I KNOW you’ll do even better in 2010! ;)

So this is what I asked for last year.

1. A lead role in a show I love.
-Thanks, Santa, Lily in Annie was a blast and going on for Rusty in Footloose was definitely a lead I thought I’d never play!

2. An Equity Card.
-Thanks for the Equity card! (AND it’s PURPLE! You know me so well)

3. A nice, handsome guy who doesn't want anything serious but would love to join me for dinner/coffee or whatever… and maybe do a little smoochin'.
-Thanks for knowing that I deserved a nice handsome guy who WOULD want something serious. (LOVE TO DA MUFFIN)

4. The ability to consume one of Jen's grilled cheese sandwiches everyday (ok, that's a little indulgent) once a week without gaining a single pound and manage to somehow look thinner.

-So, I didn’t eat grilled cheese everyday… but I did find some great new and healthy recipes that I love.

NOW—on to this year’s list… I BELIEVE IN YOU, SANTA!!

1. I want a Broadway contract. I'm putting it in the universe.
I WOULD take a tour… if it was a show I loved… but really what I want is a Broadway contract. I want to live in New York and not have to leave anymore to do what I love. I’ll even give you a little hint… I sure would love to let the sunshine in… puhlease!!!

2. I want the muffin to have a Broadway contract.
Imagine… both of us on the Great White Way at the same time… too cute… and so much fun!!

3. I want to get back to my birth weight.
Or close to my birth weight. I would also take “snatched”, “dead”, “five pounds under fierce”, or “coat hanger”.We’ve definitely made an improvement since last year with all my new healthy recipes, but you know…

4. A weekly manicure.
I want to be in enough control of my finances this year to afford a reasonably priced manicure every week, if time permits.

5. NO SNOW OR MISERABLY COLD WEATHER!!
I know to certain extent this is my own fault for living here… but please, speak to the man upstairs and work it out!! I’m scared…



Respectfully submitted,
Kristin
(You’re favorite southern girl in New York)

P.S. – Please be advised that this year your cookies will be sugar-free and south beach friendly…but don’t worry… you wouldn’t have even known if I hadn’t told you.

P.P.S. – If I think of more, I’ll be sure to let you know.

May Your Days Be Merry and Bright (and filled with pretty, twinkling, lights)!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!!!

Christmas is my favorite holiday! All the cooking and decorating and lovely smelling candles make me instantly happy!!

I can’t wait to go home to North Carolina for Christmas (something that as a performer, I have been VERY fortunate to never miss), but in the meantime I make New York my home for Christmas.

I’d like you to meet…

FATTY-

Isn't she glorious?!?! She is nicknamed appropriately, because she didn't look nearly this big when she was all roped up!
Check out where Santa can leave tiny goodies...








But my FAVORITE part of the whole house is our little nook
(well that and all the smelly good candles in our apartment).

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S ! !

MIA for 14 months...oops

Okay, so I’m back at my office survival job which means… I’m back to blogging.

SO much has happened in the last year! I’m pretty ashamed of myself for not keeping up better, but here goes with an attempt to recap the last 14 months of my life…

1) Santa granted my wish last year and as of October 2nd I became a proud member of the Actor’s Equity Association!!

2) I now have an amazing boyfriend (adoringly referred to as ‘da muffin).

3) I have a great new apartment in Astoria, with a lovely roommate and ‘da muffin.

-I have climbed the Great Wall of China
-Seen the Terracotta Warriors in Xian
-Had clothing tailor made in Shanghai
-Purchased pearls in Beijing
-Cried over mustard in Inner Mongolia
-Performed two of my dream roles (Amneris in Aida and Lily in Annie)
-Performed in the desert in 115 degree weather
-Went to visit a Mormon temple
-Visited the states of Ohio, Utah, New York and North Carolina

That hardly covers it… but when I put it that way… damn, life is good. :)

Today is my last day "at the office"

When I was in college, my acting professor hung this quote on his bulletin board outside of his office. I was intrigued and he caught me reading it one day. He asked if I’d like a copy of it and next class he gave me a photo copy of the newspaper article from the LA Times.

I guess you’d have to know my acting teacher to know that it’s not ridiculous to think that perhaps he knew that this would be a quote that I would frequently revisit in my career for inspiration and guidance.

It is incredibly easy to make the choice to be a performer when you’re 21 and clearly have no way of understanding all the sacrifices that have to be made before you can even DREAM of making it in this business. My entire life, I have thought that as long as I had my craft I would be happy. I’m finally reaching a place in my life where I’m realizing that the normal life will not belong to me (and if it does, it will be a VERY long time). The fear is starting to set in that I may never have those things.

Right now, that’s what I am struggling with. Everyone my age is getting married and starting families. They own things… like houses and cars. That’s not the life that I chose to live… (like I said it was an easier decision back when I thought it would never be anything I desired), but I find some hope in David Ackert’s quote because I think the last line is the truth.

I guess at least I’ve grown this much… to think, the part I used to relate to most was the section regarding rejection. Ha… Two years of auditioning in New York will get you used to that.

So here it is- what is, in my opinion, one of the best quotes about acting.

"Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime.

Every day, actors face the financial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get "real" jobs, and their own fear that they’ll never work again.

Every day, they have to ignore the possibility that the vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every role, they stretch themselves, emotionally and physically, risking criticism and judgment. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal life-the car, the family, the house, the nest egg.

But they stay true to their dream, in spite of the sacrifices. Why? Because actors are willing to give their entire lives to a moment—to that line, that laugh, that gesture, or that interpretation that will stir the audience’s soul. Actors are beings who have tasted life’s nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another’s heart.

In that instant, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes."

~David Ackert
LA Times