"...but how do I feel this good sober"

This morning I woke up sad and confused. I was still in my intense dream where I was on a bus with people from all walks of my life on the road with some sort of dream theatre job. I seemed to be in some sort of irrational rage that I couldn't snap out of (which would happen when I would drink). My best friend Marja was there sitting quietly in the back of the bus reading a book while I continued to yell and cause a scene. I knew she had already offered all the advice she could and had given up on helping me.

I simply wouldn't listen.

As I yelled, I knew I was irrational and no one seemed to be responding. Their patience had grown thin. I gathered by this point that I had had too much to drink and had been fired from my "dream job" with this theatre company. They were dropping me off at the next stop.

So I went and sat in the front of the bus by myself and cried in an attempt to make everyone feel sorry for me. I had prepared delicious snacks for the trip and began to share my snacks as a peace offering. Everyone took what I had to offer, but no one seemed to forgive me.

My behavior was unforgivable and had gone too far.

I sat in a seat with a friend of mine from college and another friend. and I began to cry. I had lost "my dream job and I was surely never going to work again. This was supposed to be the greatest summer of my life." One of them looked at me and said, "No it isn't. This is important and you need to take care of it." I went to the front of the bus and wallowed in my self-pity of all that I had done. I awaited my punishment alone in the front of the bus.

I woke up.

Today I am grateful that this was just a dream and no longer my life.
As of yesterday, I have been living a sober lifestyle for 90 days.