Die, Vampire, DIE!!

Most of you who know me at all have heard me talk about my "vampire". I'm not going to use any names but let me explain:

Based on the musical Title of Show:

A vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self-expression, but they can assume many seductive forms...

My main vampire is of the pigmy persuasion (they swarm around your head like gnats and say things like: Your teeth need whitening. You went to state school? You sound weird.... or they might say You'll never sing good enough to be in a musical.

That one is my person favorite and was frequently said to me by my vampire and it still lingers with me years later (about 7 years later to be exact). Well, today kids, I'M KILLING THAT EFFING VAMPIRE. In doing so, I'm cleansing by sharing my story and then that vampire is dead to me.

We all have the moment or that reocurring theme that seems to stay with us our entire career. Well, mine is that I can't sing and that I have pitch issues. Most of you who know me think that I am absolutely insane for having this issue, but let me tell you, my vampire NEVER said anything positive about my work. If someone tells you every day for three years that you can't sing, eventually you believe it. This is what I affectionately refer to as my "six seconds of shame". Comments such as:

1. "You should just do your 'Meisner' thing."
2. "You're never going to work in Musical Theatre.
3. (My personal favorite) "No one cares about the story you're telling if you're pitchy.

Well here is what I SHOULD have said.

1. I AM going to do my 'Meisner' thing, and I'm going to sing while I do it.
2. Please refer to my resume as to whether or not I will work in Musical Theatre.
3. NO ONE CARES ABOUT SOMEONE WHO SINGS BRILLIANTLY AND DOESN'T TELL A STORY YOU F'IN IDIOT!!!!

Okay, I'm yelling, but I'm not going to let that person (um, vampire) control me anymore. At first, I didn't quit musical theatre out of spite for this vampire, but honestly I wouldn't even have considered quitting to begin with if this person didn't tell me I should. Until recently, this vampire has "walked" into every audition, class or performance with me. I've let him sit in the corner of my mind (right next to my body image issues) and judge the way I sound and just wait for me to make a mistake. But here's the real life lesson - I LET HIM WALK IN THE ROOM WITH ME!!!! And everyone knows vampires have to be invited in. Well, I'm retracting my invitation.

What brought about this realization? I have the amazing and talented members of VP Boyle's Musical Theatre Forum class to thank. If you were lucky enough to see these people work every week like I do, you would know that their feedback and opinions are extremely valuable. And here's the deal - we give each other feedback every week and no one lies to me and says that I don't have pitch issues (hey, that's my issue at times, we all have one. Know who else had a reputation of being sharp? Barbara Streisand.), but they also aren't lying when they say that I'm confident, sexy, a great actress, or that I make interesting choices. I respect their opinions and think they are 12 of the most talented people I have been around, and if they think this stuff about me WHY WOULDN'T I BELIEVE IT?!?!?

There is a difference between constructive criticism and DISCOURAGING comments. It's as fine a line as the difference between confidence and conceit, but it does exist. A good teacher tells you that you have pitch issues, but helps you FIND A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM, a good teacher tells you what IS working in addition to what isn't.

You want to know the most ironic things about my vampire? As I walked across the stage at my graduation, my vampire shook my hand and said, "I'm going to see your name in lights one day."

YOU DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE.





"Creativity is do delicate a flower that praise tends to make it bloom, while discouragement often nips it in the bud. Any of use will put out more and better ideas if our efforts are appreciated."